blah, blah, blah…
Monday, November 13, 2006I don’t know what to make of the past few days. I feel like I’m so in the zone but the results proved otherwise. The results are in and sadly, it seems like I didn’t win. I feel like such a fool and I can’t seem to help myself out of the mock that I’ve thrown myself head first in. So have I lost myself in the sludge? Has the real me already sunk? Or is it I just simply refuse to move… at all?!
yes… almost…
Saturday, November 11, 2006A certain quiz that I took several months ago told me that I was – or am- “almost ready to date again.” I’ve never really been out on a date since the whole “Spark” fiasco and right now, I’m kind of stuck in a situation that I can’t get out of.
Four days before payday and as expected, I owe more money compared to what I actually have. All that’s left is a certain transportation allowance enough to get me to work and send me back home. In other words, I’M BROKE! No money at all to satisfy even the simplest craving – no money for Chicken Mc Rice Burger, no money for Chicken Nuggets and, most importantly, no money for a Venti Valencia Basic Black Iced Milked Tea. But things started to take a quick turn when Little Miss Rocker and I were on our way home.
Trying to escape from some sort of a family “thing”, LMR realized that she can’t be home until her aunt is gone and decided to hangout at Starbucks. With no money to spare, we decided to charge everything to “THE MAN.” Now, don’t get me wrong, I’d rather hang out with just her anytime on a tedious day but considering where we were, we decided to invite someone else to accompany us during our alone time together. Enter Junior Mc Trainee.
Not a lot of people know JMT that much. He’s new and more so, he’s a nurse so he doesn’t really hangout with my crowd. Only two other people know of his existence and that would be LMR and her boss, Madame Voltaire. And not only do they know him but they also know that I have been crushing on JMT for quite some time now. I haven’t really been showing much interest in people for the past couple of months so these two couldn't be happier that I actually found someone that I could like. So, to the best of their efforts, they tried to make ends meet.
So there we were, chilling at Starbucks, talking about stuff (people we know) when LMR, out of the blue, suggested that we take the conversation someplace else. And without batting an eyelash, she invited me and JMT to hang out at her pad and to our surprise, he actually wanted to go. I didn’t even expect him to say yes when we invited him over at Starbucks and saying yes to us when we asked him to go to LMR’s place was an even bigger surprise! And then I suddenly realized, it’s time to prepare for Phase 2.
When we got to LMR’s, the very first item on our list was BUY BOOZE. It may have been, what, 4 in the afternoon but considering our biological clocks being in reverse, it was way past midnight for us. Normally, when we hangout there, we drink the infamous “Emperador-Bailey’s Mix” and watch DVDs. I had LMR put Rent on the player because I know how much he enjoys good music and it seems like a Tony award winning play would be the way to go. It seems like he really enjoyed it and it looked like he was having fun. I found it hard to start a conversation at first because he was into the movie and I didn’t feel like talking during first act but when LMR went out during Intermission and we were left alone, we started to have a conversation.
I can’t remember how it started. I don’t even recall who spoke first. I remember him asking about Madame Voltaire and for some weird reason, we got to talking about religion. And as much as I hate to admit it, he’s funny and he can really strike up a conversation. No dull moments at all. Even when we were on our way home, he would just ask questions or tell stories about where he used to live, where he used to work – minor details, so to speak. And at that moment, I realized that I can do this everyday for the rest of my life.
I really owe Madame Voltaire and Little Miss Rocker (note to self: Buy gifts for Little Miss Rocker and Madame Voltaire. They deserve it). They know when to strike and they know how to execute. They always get the job done! So, the quiz proved to be right – I AM READY TO DATE AGAIN. Okay, so it was a non-date but the thing is, I came, I saw, I conquered! I was comfortable with the whole situation and now, I know that I can be alone with someone without making a complete fool of myself. I’m not saying that something will happen and I really don’t know where this might lead (Well, I pray it would) but I don’t really have any expectations whatsoever. But what if it does lead somewhere? I know I’m ready for casual dating, but an EVEN bigger question springs from the series of events that happened these past few days - - - Am I ready for what comes after that?!
If you think about it, no one really knows. I’d like to believe that it’s all about timing. When the time is right, I’ll know. But for now, I’d just like to sit back, relax and fasten my seatbelt real quick because if one thing’s for sure, this is going to be one hell of a bumpy ride.
quiz.. quiz.. quiz..
Saturday, April 22, 2006If there's one thing that i LOVE - LOVE - LOVE about my job, it's downtime. You go to work for eight hours and you're pretty much allowed to do anything you want. Some of the guys are actually in the conference room watching a gangster movie while, some are sleeping, and the rest are surfing the net to their hearts content.
As for me, I chose to answer online quizzes. I came across this website that has a wide variety of quizzes ranging from "what's your inner blood type" to "what is your seduction style?" REALLY interesting. Here are some of the ones i answered. Check them out, they're really fun!!
WHO WERE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?
| Popular Kid |
 In high school, everyone knew your name - even if you didn't know theirs.
In fact, your still skating by on your looks and charm. Nothing wrong with that! |
Who Were You In High School?
No comment. I'd rather you guys comment on this.
forgiven, not forgotten
Thursday, April 20, 2006It was a tedious Tuesday morning with nothing to do but organize files, convert WMA files to mp3 and remove post-due reminders on my corkboard. And after doing all that, I was pretty much left with nothing else to do. And what's the best way to kill time - answer survey questions on Friendster.
So there i was, browsing through different surveys when I came across this questionnaire about ex's, partners, and crushes. And one of the questions was "What will you do if you caught your partner with someone else in bed?" For some weird reason, it suddenly reminded me of Drew Barrymore in Ever After saying these words to Anjelica Houston -
"I want you to know that I will forget you after this moment and never think of you again. But I am quite certain that you will think about me every single day for the rest of your life…"
As far as "Danielle" is concerned, she was giving the baroness forgiveness. But the truth is, her act was done more out of spite rather than kindness. It actually seemed like the perfect way to end Cinderella's relationship with her evil step-mother but it got me thinking, is there truth in it? Is it really possible to forget those people who've wronged us and never think of them ever again? Or better yet, is it possible to forgive and forget?
Now, forgiving and forgetting are two distinct things. To forgive is to let go of resentment towards a certain offender. Forgetting, on the other hand, is to cease remembering or noticing. and to treating certain instances as if they never happened just doesn't seem right - first, because IT DID HAPPEN and there's absolutely no turning back; second, because these things happen for a reason; and third, we should consider these occurrences as life's way of teaching us how to live and, hopefully, survive. It's a matter of learning from experiences that we go through and making sure that we stand up after we fall and never stumble again. So, granting that it is POSSIBLE, should we forgive and forget?
I know I’ve had moments where I’ve bumped uglies with strangers, colleagues, and even good friends. And I don’t know about you but I never forget. Do I forgive? Yes, but I never forget because whether you like it or not, people are going to screw you over one way or another. And it’s through these experiences that we learn who to trust and believe. At the same time, it’s an opportunity to gauge and filter real people and real friends.
Am I bitter? Not really. I’ve probably just grown wiser. So, a few words from the wise: Forgive, but never forget! And most importantly, LEARN, and never be a fool again.
in retrospect… [second of two parts]
Wednesday, April 12, 2006after dealing with career and finances, let’s talk about the “L” word [and just so we’re clear, i’m talkin about love, not lesbian]. anyhoo.. the last time i was in a relationship was back in college and it wasn’t even a real relationship. it was nothing more but countless SMSs, random dates and drunken mistakes. after that, i went on hiatus. now, two years later, i realize that it was such a wrong decision. no regrets, though… ok, fine! i regret it - A LOT!! and now that i’m ready, there seems to be a scarcity of available men in the market. or is it because i set my standard too high. i mean, i could drop it down a notch but that wouldn’t be fair - both for me and for the guy. it would be like settling for less even though i know i could get more (talk about conceited)! but try asking me again in, like, 5 years time.. we’ll see.
now, the tricky part when it comes to love is that someone ends up getting hurt. and sadly, that person would be me. the thing is, i’ve tried to working on this department for almost 10 years now and somehow, i never learn. i remember the sleepover my bestfriend and i had a couple of weeks ago and we realized that we haven’t changed (even a bit) over the years. we keep on setting ourselves up just to end up in the dump. i have had my share. and no matter how hard i try not to fall, i end up plunging in, head first, knowing that the ravine is not bottomless and sooner or later, i’m bound to end up broken, yet again, from the fall.
life has been crazy over the past two years. do i consider it a milestone? not yet. maybe in three more years when i find that which i have yet to prove. for now, i’ll try to embrace life as i know it. and for all the things that are yet to happen, i say, “bring it!!”
Meticulous to the bone paying attention to the nitty-gritty details of anything (or anyone) that piques his interest. He's terribly O.C. when he feels like it and other times he just leaves the mess as it is.
