in retrospect… [second of two parts]

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

after dealing with career and finances, let’s talk about the “L” word [and just so we’re clear, i’m talkin about love, not lesbian]. anyhoo.. the last time i was in a relationship was back in college and it wasn’t even a real relationship. it was nothing more but countless SMSs, random dates and drunken mistakes. after that, i went on hiatus. now, two years later, i realize that it was such a wrong decision. no regrets, though… ok, fine! i regret it - A LOT!! and now that i’m ready, there seems to be a scarcity of available men in the market. or is it because i set my standard too high. i mean, i could drop it down a notch but that wouldn’t be fair - both for me and for the guy. it would be like settling for less even though i know i could get more (talk about conceited)! but try asking me again in, like, 5 years time.. we’ll see.

now, the tricky part when it comes to love is that someone ends up getting hurt. and sadly, that person would be me. the thing is, i’ve tried to working on this department for almost 10 years now and somehow, i never learn. i remember the sleepover my bestfriend and i had a couple of weeks ago and we realized that we haven’t changed (even a bit) over the years. we keep on setting ourselves up just to end up in the dump. i have had my share. and no matter how hard i try not to fall, i end up plunging in, head first, knowing that the ravine is not bottomless and sooner or later, i’m bound to end up broken, yet again, from the fall.

life has been crazy over the past two years. do i consider it a milestone? not yet. maybe in three more years when i find that which i have yet to prove. for now, i’ll try to embrace life as i know it. and for all the things that are yet to happen, i say, “bring it!!”